If you’ve noticed, I’ve been a bit MIA from my blog for about a month. Partially due to sickness, and partly due to what I like to call a “Silent Killer.” We all have them, but like the past memories of our mind, we try to hide away in conjures, we’d insist they stay under the surface of light than brought to the top. We’d rather sing “this little light of mine; I’m gonna let it hide” than “I’m gonna let it shine.”  

But why, because the past is something that once it happens, it doesn’t just magically disappear like the sundial at the end of the day. And when it comes to personal struggles, Satan is a master at making these killers reappear even after you thought for sure you’d defeated the slimy culprit once and for all.

They have a way of making us feel shameful, embarrassed, and less Christian, because “If I really am a strong Christian, then why can’t I seem to get my issues under control,” mocks an afterthought.

He has a way into deceiving us that if we “think upon that thought a little bit longer,” “run on that treadmill a little bit faster,” “focus on ourselves and our problems, it’ll all get better.” Still, in reality, those ways of thinking leave us more exhausted, overthought, and depressed than before. We think that we will gain control by obsessing over the situation, relationship, family member, job opportunity, exercise regiment, but if our thoughts aren’t rooted in the one who created us, why would we expect to leave from them filled and satisfied?

Why do we allow Satan to trick us into believing we have power over past redemption, present changes, and future awakenings when it is the Lord alone who directs our paths (Proverbs 16:9, Proverbs 20:24)?  

I suppose it is because we are all crippled by an infectious disease called “Silent Killers,” and as the name suggests, it is when we stay silent about these things that the real killing happens. And for me, the past month has been a living nightmare of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sickness, and losing control. A month where I’ve honestly felt the lowest mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally I’ve ever felt. Though I try to be open about these struggles, I’ve also learned to be a master at deception.

A master at acting like “I’m fine,” while at work and placing a plastered smile on my face.

A master at telling my family, “Nothing is wrong.” when they know I am deeply hurting.

A master at telling my boyfriend, “It’s been a good week.” when I am breaking inside.

A master at allowing the Devil to place constant thoughts in my mind that I know isn’t true. About my worth. About my beauty. About my character. About my salvation. About my past, present, and future.

And before you know it, you’ve given the keys of your heart to the one who never deserved to have them. You’ve allowed the Father of Lies to convince you that your anxiety, depression, IBS, PMS, Endometriosis, acne, sickness, size, define you. But as you begin to sink deeper and deeper into your pit of despair, you cry out to God and ask, “How did I get here?” though you already know. You gave the thief who comes to “kill, steal, and destroy” (John 10:10) the all-access pass to your mind, thoughts, and emotions. You’ve become a victim to a “Silent Killer,” that though the world may not see externally, is eating you alive internally. 

But here’s the good news, friend. I’m not too far gone, even as I lay here on my bed, soaking in the rest of a sick day and a million thoughts of anxiety cross my mind. You’re not too far gone in whatever “killer” you’ve allowed to possess and numb the exhausted body, mind, and spirit within you. She’s not too late from redemption. He’s not out of reach of God’s restorative grace. We’re not beyond the boundaries of the Father’s loving and calling arms asking us to come home and rest in Him. 

In Philippians Chapter 4, beginning at verse 8, Scripture tells us, “Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things” (Philippians 4:8, NIV).  

So even if my mind is tempted to begin racing like a racetrack on steroids full of anxiety, depression, and fear, I know that unless I give in to those thoughts, Satan has no power over me. Remember, if we render every thought over to Christ, and only think about things that are excellent or praiseworthy, our minds won’t have room for anything else.

2 Corinthians 10:5 demonstrates this point further when Paul remarks, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV).  Anxious thoughts? Render it to God. Depressed for no reason? Submit it to the one who holds all control. Questions about the future? Rest in knowing He directs your paths. Haunted by your past? Remember the power in that testimony and that you’re chosen and have a confident future.

But what does that “rendering, submitting, and resting,” really mean and look like?

I once heard an age-old saying that whatever you give your mind to will quickly become who you are. For example, if you have random anxious thoughts like me, the more you allow them to run rampant in your mind, the worse you will feel and become. Proverbs 23:7 comments on this when Scripture says, “As someone thinks within himself, so he is” (Proverbs 23:7, NIV).  If, however, we choose in those first few seconds of its entry to dismiss the thought and shake it out of our mind, we will be given power and victory through Jesus Christ over it. 

Because those thoughts of anxiety rippling over your mind again, and again, and still until you have a panic attack, they aren’t from the Father who loves you. Those consuming feelings of dread that if you could just sink to the bottom of the ocean, then you’d feel better, those aren’t what Jesus wants for you. “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7, NIV), and to me, that sounds like comfort, not freak-out sessions. 

John Piper once said you have five seconds to fight a thought or lustful pleasure before it consumes you, and I believe that to be true for these silent killers of life as well. In the first five seconds that your mind begins to wander, don’t give in to the fear, anxiety, or depression, but refute it in Jesus’ Name. Tell it “NO,” and recite Scripture to yourself. Use those moments to pray and give your worries to God.

Does that mean it will be easy? Absolutely not.

Does that mean the thoughts will go away immediately? Definitely not.

But will you grow a little bit stronger every time you fight off the lies with the truth of His Word? 1000% without a shadow of a doubt, yes. 

As Christians, we all have “Silent Killers,” we either like to pretend we don’t have or blab to everyone about how terrible we’re struggling.  But what if instead of giving the rampant thoughts more ammo, we gave the Father more submission in the things we keep trying to cling so tightly?

Just a thought, but what if we took all the time we spent worry, analyzing, dwelling, stressing out, and turned it into praise? What if we looked in the mirror and believed the Holy Spirit when He said, “You are enough,” rather than letting the mastermind of lies tell us otherwise.  

On your own, you cannot and will not overcome these overpowering thoughts. Yet as believers in Jesus Christ, He gives you that power and victory as we imitate the mind of Christ and continually strive to be more like Him.

1 Corinthians 2:16 and 11:1 solidify these facts: “But we have the mind of Christ,” (1 Corinthians 2:16, NIV) and “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV). 

When it comes to the end of the day, we all have “Silent Killers,” rather we like to admit it or not. For some of us, they creep up when we try to sleep, and for others, they mock us in the mirror or shout to us as we sob into the walls of our showers. They consume us. They exhaust us. They rob us and leave us of all joy, peace, and love.

Your Heavenly Father doesn’t want that for you, and I know He doesn’t want it for me. It’s time to stand up and fight my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. Time to redeem what is rightfully ours and live like we’re free of all the ghosts and cobwebs of our minds because we are.

Proverbs 12:25 tells us that “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down (depression), but a good word cheers it up,” (Proverbs 12:25, NIV) and what better advice do we see than to press into the Word of our Father when these consuming thoughts try to entangle us like snares!

We all have “Silent Killers,” but it’s time to bring them to the light (God). For when we bring them to the light, He who the son has set free will genuinely be free indeed.

Give God the power over your mind.  After all, you aren’t gaining anything by trying to hold onto suppressing thoughts like you’re the one in control when you know you aren’t.  

Though it won’t be easy, there is a freedom to be found in the release and surrendering of these shadows. 

What “Silent Killers,” do you need to render all control today? Talk with a friend, Pastor, or family member and then pray that God would help you to release them into His hands. For me, I’ve been trying to recite 1 Peter 5:7, Romans 8:28, and Philippians 4:4-8 in my mind any time negative thoughts cross my borders.

The question is not when will these “Silent Killers” come, but how will you fight them.

I’ll be fighting right beside you. Keep trecking, even when the waters get deep and the mud sticks to the back of your legs, attempting to pull you down like quicksand. 

Nothing can separate us from God’s love. Not even “Silent Killers,” we often allow to take over our minds (Romans 8:38-39). 

Agape, Amber