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Have you ever driven somewhere and not known how you’ve gotten from point A to B? Such was the case this past Sunday on my drive home from Church. I’ve made the 30-minute commute thousands of times over the years, and yet my vision was blurred by anger and tears. Apathy and emotion. Depression too deep for the words.
Nothing was inherently wrong, but I felt a void. A deep grave of sadness oozed from my soul uncontrollably. During the sermon, I penned these words in my journal. Half ashamed I couldn’t focus, half relieved for the pen’s mastery in my right hand:
“Why is my soul so downcast? My heart so low? How can I get out of this pit? Have you left me? Are you still here? I need your power. Lord, where are you? Please take this darkness from me. It’s so overwhelming. So deep, dark, and lonely. God, help me. Forgive me. I need you. I feel so lost. Embarrassed. Ashamed. No reason to be down, so why am I? Why am I numb? Help me look to you. I don’t want to live this way. I feel selfish and broken. I’m so sorry, Lord.”
Can you hear the pain?
Can you visualize the confusion?
The desire to be heard and seen?