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As I peered through the Venetian blinds in my bedroom, a full moon illuminated the starry sky. My heart ached for the darkness within to brighten that easily, but as I closed the shades, the blackness remained. Tears streamed down hollow spaces. 

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I scrolled to numb the pain. 

“You have no good reason to be depressed, Amber, just get it together,” my mind spat.

“Jesus died for you, and this is how you serve Him? Crying and ungrateful?” Negative thoughts bombarded my heart. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you even a Christian?” My body broke.

In between shallow breathing and trembling hands, all I could pray was “God help–make it stop.” 

After the moment passed, I penned these words: “I’m scared the darkness is going to win. I’m scared I’m always going to be this way. I’m scared of seeking You in the dark, for fear I’ll never find the light.”

As I write this, I still have some dark nights of the soul, but I’m here to bring you three things God has taught me amidst them. Despite what others, or even your mind may tell you, God’s not mad at you and loves you all the same. He is even with you when the darkness doesn’t lift.