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“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:2-6, New International Version).

It was one of those weeks where no matter what I did or said, I felt angry, irritable, and disheartened. Nothing, in particular, had rocked my boat, per se, but it felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed for seven days in a row. 

Sitting with Who We Are:

After a week of not sleeping, I was a grouch to be around. I didn’t even want to be around myself. I finally started to understand the Saturdays my mom often had when I was a child when she said: “Nothing’s wrong, I just don’t feel like myself and don’t want to be around anyone.” She wasn’t being mean. In fact, it was quite the latter. She just didn’t want to be around people for fear that she might say something she’d regret. And neither did I. 

The lack of my sleep had been caused by numerous nightmares and stress that never seemed to end. Amid wedding and honeymoon planning, moving, and adulting, I wasn’t coping with the changes in life well. And the more I tried to control or handle the situations, the less I actually possessed. I’ve always struggled to understand the things in my life that I can and can’t control. 

When my counselor encouraged me to sit in discomfort, I gave him the stink-eye. Exposure therapy was my least favorite form of therapy, but I knew he meant well. So as my phone blew up with texts, my email alerted me of twelve new messages, and my phone buzzed with three new voicemails, I was told to sit with it. Resist the urgency. Sit with urgency. And do absolutely nothing to respond.