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For the fourth night in a row, my mind wandered aimlessly. No matter how many sheep I counted, a million more thoughts appeared:
-“What if the retreat is a flop?”
-“What if the giveaway doesn’t go as planned?”
-“What will people think if I let them down?”
-“Will my acne ever go away?”
-“Will I ever learn to love me for me?”
-“Does God hear my prayers?”
I don’t know about you, but sleepless nights are the worst. Why? Because you’re already exhausted, but somehow, the voices keep coming. It’s like having a conversation with someone you really don’t want to talk to. No matter how short your answers are, they keep going on and on. And for those who suffer from anxiety, this is what it’s like to wage war with mental spirals.
Unfortunately, nighttime is often the loudest for anxious minds. For many of us, it’s the first time we’ve paused all day, and when silence enters the room, so do our intrusive thoughts. We don’t have to think about them; rather, they just appear.
If you’re a Christian who wrestles with these thoughts, then you’re in good company. Here are 3 ways God meets us in the mess of our spirals:
1. God Watches Over Us
In Psalm 63:6, the Psalmist writes, “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night” (NIV). While the Psalmist is trying to go to sleep, he notes that he thinks of and remembers God through the watches of the night. From sunrise to sunset, or whatever hours he’s awake, the author knows and trusts that God is with Him. How does he know this to be true?
Growing up, Proverbs 15:3 was one of my mom’s favorite Bible verses. I never understood why until I started wrestling with anxiety. “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good” (ESV). And I believe our Psalmist knew this verse to be true. God watches over all people and sees everything they do. Psalm 139:2-3 says it this way: “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways” (ESV).
Because not only does God promise to watch over our coming and going (Psalm 121), He never slumbers or sleeps. He sees and knows all, and this is why we lift our eyes not to the mountains, in all their grandeur, but to our God (Psalm 121:1).
Knowing that God watches over us doesn’t always make our anxiety vanish, but it grounds us in His truth. God isn’t annoyed or upset at us. He’s not frustrated or disappointed in us because of our overthinking. Rather, He meets us in those places, as we are. This leads me to the second way God meets us in our spirals: