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When I first felt disconnected from the typical holiday cheer, I thought, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get it together? Why can’t I just be cheery? Where has my ‘Christmas Spirit’ gone?” But the more I pondered this phenomenon, the more I realized I wasn’t alone in my feelings.
Many people enjoy the season from November to New Year’s. What’s not to love? From snowstorms to holiday celebrations and festivities, it’s a bustling and busy season. But for others, even amidst the holiday joy, grief, loneliness, and anxiety exist.
From financial stress to chaotic family events, we must acknowledge that the sometimes “quiet” and behind-the-scenes moments of Christmas can feel heavy and less than stellar. They don’t have to steal the show of the joy of Jesus and all this season brings, but it’s important to recognize, validate, and make a safe space to process for those who feel this way.
What does it mean when the season celebrating Christ’s coming doesn’t feel or seem joyful at all? How can we learn to find God’s joy when it doesn’t come easily?
The Quiet Side of Christmas
In 2022, 13 million people struggled with grief during the holidays. Today, nearly 35% don’t look forward to the wintery seasons and 47% listed grief or the loss of a loved one as a top holiday stressor. 61% of U.S. consumers even believe they will experience loneliness or sadness over the holidays before they even arrive.
Grief, loneliness, and anxiety happen to all of us. But when we’re constantly comparing our lives to Hallmark movies or model homes on Instagram, what else can we expect? Most lived-in realities don’t include pristine kitchens with a blazing fireplace and the perfect 4-person table overlooking the river. Cookies aren’t freshly baked, looking like they came from Martha Stewart’s home, and we’re lucky if the Christmas decorations make it out of the box before December 25th passes. And yet, those are the unrealistic expectations and precedents we place on ourselves. No wonder we’re so depressed, discouraged, and on edge.
Instead of shoving down these feelings, we as a culture need to learn to pause, process them, and reflect. We need to normalize the emotional complexity at Christmas and show that it’s okay if we feel disconnected from “holiday cheer” from time to time.
Why Christmas Can Feel Hard
Even if you haven’t experienced loss or grief, seeing others suffer during this time can amplify your own pain. If we have experienced the deep sorrow of pets, loved ones, or losses, the magnitude of this void is even deeper. Add family tension and unmet expectations on top of this, and you’ve got the recipe for a perfect storm.
With the pressure to feel joyful, we feel like we can’t be ourselves—with God, ourselves, let alone anyone else. When we can’t be ourselves, we tend to shut down and hide. This leads to concealing our emotions and becoming a boiling pot of water that will eventually explode or overflow. Neither is a good or healthy option.
Instead of shaming ourselves for these feelings and hard circumstances, we need to look at what Scripture really says. Yes, the joy of the Lord is our strength, and there is great reason to rejoice, but there’s also a time and place to mourn and express our concerns to God, and that can coincide with Christmas. And it doesn’t make you negative, pessimistic, or a Debbie Downer.