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“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me” (Psalm 103:1-2, NLT).
It was a typical Sunday. The lights were dimmed. People raised their hands in the masses. And I stood on the stage singing song after song about God’s goodness. But the more I sang, the worse I felt. A chill ran down my spine as I wondered, Am I a fraud for singing these songs when I feel nothing inside?
On the outside, life was good. I was engaged to the love of my life, planning a wedding, and figuring out how to adult. But on the inside, I was crumbling. Anxious, depressed, and physically sick. I was weary from hopeless doctors’ appointments, unanswered prayers, and vague diagnoses. Instead of praise lifting me, I felt like a fake. Have you ever felt that way?
The next few months were a daze. Every week, my emotions grew worse and worse. It wasn’t until I took some time off the worship team that I realized this: I’m not fake for praising God when I don’t feel like it. Why? Because I’m not praising my circumstances. I’m praising who God is amidst them.
