Check out the featured post and read more here: https://www.ibelieve.com/health-beauty/my-first-anxiety-pill-and-the-fear-of-seeking-help.html
I took my first anxiety pill Saturday evening. It was a few minutes past 10 pm and the moon had just peaked in the night’s sky. Despite the cool, beautiful evening, I couldn’t shake the pit in my stomach.
This date had been on my calendar for months. After getting prescribed medication in February, I was advised not to take it until I’d gotten rid of my cold. That cold seemed to last a month and a half, but I was determined that on March 22nd, I’d conquer a few fears and start my journey to a clearer mind.
As I poured the pills into my hand, my body rose and fell in tumultuous shudders. I asked God to use this medication, in His will, to heal me. I told Him I needed help. I told Him I didn’t want to live in this riddling, high-functioning anxiety any longer. And then, I told Him something I’d been afraid to admit for years: I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t fix me. That I felt weak, embarrassed, and ashamed. I asked Him why I wasn’t strong enough to fight this. To get better? To get it together.
Finding Strength In Weakness
He reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV). And so, with shaky hands and a rapidly beating heart, I placed one antidepressant under my tongue. As I swallowed with a large gulp, the tears began to flow. I sobbed until I couldn’t sob anymore. Why?
With any medication, side effects can be unknown. Who really wants headaches, nausea, acid reflux, low blood pressure, vomiting, constipation, and diarrhea? No one, right? However, we often take these medications because we believe the benefits outweigh the risks. And many times, they do!
It’s scary to try something you’ve never tried before. But more than that, admitting you need help is scary. And that’s exactly why I started medication for my mental health. Because as much as the cons could outweigh the pros, it’s something that I haven’t tried before. As my therapist likes to counter, what if the pros outweigh the cons? Instead of always thinking what if something goes wrong, what about thinking if it goes right?
