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When Faith Crumbles and How It Can Redefine Our Relationship with God
Growing up in a Methodist Church, I got saved at the age of eight and baptized at ten. The day I got saved was unusual. It was 2:30 in the morning, and my Dad asked if I wanted to be in a personal relationship with Jesus. Of no pressure, I said yes, and my life has been forever changed.
I was baptized in a pool outside of the parsonage. My body reminds me of the freezing water like it were just yesterday. I was just a little girl then. I don’t remember much about those days, but I know that I loved and still love Jesus with all that I am.
Somewhere between childhood and adolescence, however, my faith grew sticky. After countless rounds of mental and emotional abuse, the trauma I faced then now resurfaces as never-ending nightmares. And while I’ve always clung to my faith, and always will, I’ve noticed that it’s time I allow some of it to crumble.
Hear me out.
How Crumbling Can Heal:
In a recent counseling session with my Therapist, I expressed my problem with high-functioning anxiety. In between cycles of depression, this addiction to being busy and always doing the next thing has caused me much heartache and suffering. I’ve felt distant in my faith and prayers, and though I’m reading my Bible, going to Church, and plugging in, I feel desperately and utterly turned off.
Because in an effort to control every good and bad thing happening to me as I grew, I now face great turmoil when it comes to simply resting in the presence of God who is truly in control of all things.