Two weeks ago, I started seeing a counselor, and to say I felt embarrassed, would be an understatement. Sitting on my heels and rocking back and forth between a rock and a hard place (AKA my bathroom floor and the closed door behind me), I burst into tears, letting the floodgates erupt like a shattering dam.
Suffocating my tears into the shower, I stumbled into a daze of heightened anxiety, overwhelming depression, and paralyzing fear.
“If I’m such a good Christian,” my heart remarked, “Why can’t I fix myself?” the lies of my mind choked at me. “You need to pray more, increase your time in Scripture, and trust God without doubt,” their hypocritical words ripped at my already crumbling mentality. “You already do that,” my Mom gently spoke. “I know,” I sulked, “I just don’t know what else to do.”
And so, with every day came a new sermon, article, or advice from a friend of what I should do; of the thoughts that clouded my vision as to if it was a sin or not, or how I should just “stop worrying,” because it was that easy. But what these words and directions from others didn’t tell me, yet should have was that when you have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) from a genetically inherited predisposition, you can’t merely “stop worrying.” It isn’t because you’re not a strong enough Christian, or praying and seeking His face enough. It is the result of your fallen humanity that makes you lean into the Father even more.
It is okay to need clinical help. Admitting that you need support is the first step to healing, and I believe God gave us tools like counseling not to say we don’t trust Him, but to humble ourselves into knowing we cannot fight these battles alone.
Taking a deep breath, I released control and felt led to Psalm 94:19: “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”
Yes, I still struggle with anxiety, but even amid our concerns, rather that be depression, addictions, or troubling seas, know that you can experience joy.
Agape,
Amber
The Comments
Patricia
I have an almost 34 yr old daughter who has been bullied, made fun of and rejected her whole life. We loved her encourage her ; she had us, family . a church and counselors her whole life. The counselors started when she was 12 when she was in the sixth grade. She went to school, dance classes and church activities. She was shy and introverted her whole lie; but so was my husband and i. but she was seeing various counselors and a psychiatrist. When she graduated high school she was extremely hopeful that “so called adults” in college would be more accepting and compassionate to her shyness. The bottom line is that college was absolute hell for her. And that was a catholic college. It wasnt just the students, It was even the well-educated professors. She was tormented no one was there for her. She left the first year. Now 15 years later, she doesnt go out. has no job. has no one in her life. She is lost and overwhelmed. Has absolutely no hope to go on with her life. We have been praying her whole life. We have been trying practical concrete things to try to help. We would like a great counselor for her to talk to. At this point we need a miracle. My husband and i are getting older and do not have money to leave herand I am so afraid. I am going to die knowing that i am a failure and couldnt help my daughters through life and provide for them. Each day i feel like im losing hope even though i am trying to hold on. I want to please God but i have failed Him. I AM SO SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH THE LAST MONTH
ambernginter
> PatriciaHi, Patricia!
I got your comment and thought I’d respond here, too.
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your heart with me. I can’t imagine how painful and overwhelming it must be for you to see your daughter going through so much. As a parent, it’s natural to want to protect and guide your children, and I can hear how deeply you care about your daughter’s well-being.
First and foremost, please know that you are not a failure. The love, encouragement, and support you have provided for her throughout her life speak volumes about your dedication as a parent. It is clear you have been there for her in every way you can, and that is a gift she will always carry with her, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
It’s incredibly hard to watch someone you love struggle, especially when they feel lost and disconnected from the world around them. I believe that your daughter’s story is one of strength, even though she may not see it in herself at this moment. It’s not easy to find hope when everything seems so dark, but reaching out for help shows that you are still holding on, and that is important.
In terms of finding support for her, I would recommend looking into trauma-informed therapists who specialize in dealing with social anxiety, depression, and the long-lasting effects of bullying. I’ve been in therapy for 6 years and never regretted it. They can also refer to other types of therapy, like EMDR, or medication through a psychiatrist, if needed. Sometimes, the right fit with a therapist can make a huge difference. I know it’s not easy to find the right person, but there are many compassionate professionals who can help guide her through this difficult time. It may also be worth exploring group therapy or support groups where she can find others who have shared similar experiences. I highly recommend Psychology Today and selecting her preferences.
Please don’t lose sight of the fact that there is always hope, even when things feel impossible. It may take time, and it may require different kinds of support, but healing is still possible. And you are doing everything you can as a mother — you’re not alone in this.
I understand how overwhelming it is to feel the weight of your daughter’s pain and your own fears. You are doing your best, and sometimes that’s all we can do. Please take care of yourself too — you are so important in this journey, and your well-being matters just as much as your daughter’s.
I am praying for both of you, and I truly believe that God sees your hearts and knows the depth of your love and dedication. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything or if you just need someone to talk to.